One, Between

Bored.

Figuring out what to do next.

Out of Time

I think I have been able to address that urgent vs. important thing with a simple scheduling switcheroo, setting aside a couple of blocks of time to focus on the big important things, and to let all the urgent stuff slide for just that bit. I think it will be enough to make progress and reduce that stuff-falling-through-the-cracks, missing-opportunities anxiety. I may loop back to that.

Experimenting with considering the present as the past, as a vivid memory, as it were. Following along and projecting from the whole Esther Hicks idea of a fully-realized greater self, of which my physical form is a data-gathering extension…it can be theorized that all this has already happened, or what will be, will be. So, in a sense, I can choose to experience as I might a vivid memory, or a…

A good analogy is to find myself returned to some important place from my past. When I have been away from an experience for a long time I begin to realize that there are parts that I miss, parts that may not have seemed important at the time. A certain turn of phrase we used, a piece of furniture, the sound a door made when it opened or the color of light in a particular room at a certain time of day. Returned from the future and given another chance to experience these things, I would be more appreciative, and more aware of the details (and would probably find a whole deeper set of details to enjoy in the process).

Realizing that I can do that now, in this place. For someday I will think back on this moment from somewhere in the future, and I will miss the sitting in the early morning dark with the candles flickering, and the spring birds chirping outside, and the sounds of the house waking up, and a million other little details that now, because I am here, I can recognize and enjoy.

This is an extension of a pattern I’ve used before to great effect, but my timer is…has run out.

Urgently Important

For the first time, recognizing in a visceral way the difference between urgent and important. Have read about this—Covey, Allen, etc.—but have alway been surrounded by people and environments where these were treated equally, or where time was available to address both equally. I now find myself desiring more focus on the important, find myself putting almost all of my focus on the urgent (over the last couple of weeks at least), and becoming aware that this is a source of frustration.

Still working out how to detangle this. Set aside a day or two each week for addressing the important big picture stuff? Deprioritize the urgent entirely? Something else?

Also noticing that much of the originating desire for logging my progress through this journal seems to be fading. As my new production website begins to come online I am feeling more of a draw toward a return to long(er) form writing. We will see.

Say Yes, Say No

Recognizing that for this to work I will need to develop a habit of looking for the positive and desired in the unexpected. I have had the opportunity to experience this several times recently, and I must admit that my knee-jerk reflex is to push against anything truly novel, to try and maintain the status quo. Even when, upon further reflexion, positive opportunity exists within this new thing or idea.

This would be the “say yes” idea that I’ve heard about then, the one where you try saying  “yes” to each new thing that comes along and see what opens up? I suppose that might be true…though I’ve been giving a lot of thought to saying “no” lately, and releasing some things in order to make time and space for others. But perhaps that act of finding balance is something different. Will have to consider that.

The practice, perhaps, is in finding the positive in all things, both the novel and the mundane. I am getting better at this, using the trick of “this too shall pass” and recognizing the impermanence of the things around me, making space to feel good. Put to words it all sounds very mumbo-jumbo and perhaps it is, but the results are inspiring.

Continue!

Feeling Good

A bit between things at the moment, with a touch of clutter and chaos in the mornings cutting into (because I let it) my usual writing time. And a little unclear on where to go next, acknowledging that this was never supposed to be about going somewhere particular, and that I’ve gone rather sidewise and crossways with it all.

In the latter half of my stay-in-the-moment experiment and while I am lousy at doing that the whole process has been very…interesting. Enlightening is too strong a word. More awareness on the many moments I do drift off, and all the little conversations of the mind, and on when they tend to happen, and on what they tend to be about.

Acknowledging in scattered thoughts that I can choose to be different and do things differently, but that to do things differently I must choose to be different, and wondering at my reluctance to do so and the comfort of old (less than ideal) habits.

And though it all, wanting to feel good, because I’ve been there and I like it, wanting to feel good even on a grumpy morning like this where it feels like so much work to find my way back. Feeling good, even when there is so much to be grumpy about. Feeling good.

 

Stumbling on Happiness

This post, a book review of Stumbling on Happiness by Dan Gilbert, brings home and reinforces everything I am trying to do here with this experiment of mine.

I’m not good at predicting what will make me happy in the future. I am lousy at predicting the future anyway. I don’t draw correct conclusions from the past.

Focus instead on being happy in the current moment, in what I am doing right here and now.

Not a hedonistic do-whatever-I-want happiness, but: appreciation, gratitude, contentment, love.

Not completely unplanned, but planning only when it feels good to make plans, and only with the goal of feeling good now. And then setting the plans aside and waiting to see what actually happens when that now arrives.

My current practice: keeping myself in the current moment, paying attention to what I’m doing, enjoying it, appreciating it, and doing my best work. Stop living in the future. Stop living in the past. Damn hard to do. So far quite worth it.

One Of These Days

Still haven’t unfollowed those people yet. Still come away from…I read through Twitter, App.net, RSS feeds, email, etc. on the iPad while riding a stationary bike in the morning (one of the kid’s old bikes propped up on a trainer). I come away from that feeling vaguely icky and unsettled. Politics and politics-like subjects, Apple vs. Android, and so on and so on (and on…). I like these people, I like these…ideas, I like the jokes, I like feeling up-to-date with things. I like the good that’s mixed in there with the  bad. And I like knowing that it is coming to a close. That I will, one day, just turn it all off, just like one day I turned off the TV and never looked back. And that when I do it I will soon feel glad I did, and new ideas will arise to fill that space, just and I did and they did when I turned off the TV.

All is well.

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